Question: My wife and I just aren’t getting along in our finances. What do we do?

Money Answer Guy’s Answer: It might be winter and a bit cold right now, but in a few months it will be spring and once again love will be in the air. Young love birds will find each other and fly together for the first time. Like many young couples, my Fiancee and I will be getting married! As part of our engagement, we are participating in pre-marriage counseling through our local church. In addition we are taking a number of steps to help us grow as a couple before we get married. We know that the number one cause of divorce is money fights and money problems, and don’t want our marriage to ever end because of that, so we are doing some things to get us ready to have a joint financial life.

If you are in a similar position, there are some things that Raelene and I did as a couple that we think will help you become on the same page with money. The first thing you should do is look at your combined financial situation. Figure out how much debt you have, what you have for assets, and how things are going to look when you combine them. For example, if you have $25,000 in savings and your fiancé has $25,000 in debt, you’ll probably write a check to pay off her debt when you get married. You will want to compare insurances and see who has the best deal and combine them after you get married.

Once you know where you are at, you will want to establish some financial goals. You first need to figure out how the wedding is going to be paid for. Tradition says that the woman and her family should pay for the wedding, however it’s okay for the man to help (I will be paying for 50% of the wedding cost and for the honeymoon). You two have to figure out how you are going to save up and pay for the wedding during the engagement. After you have the wedding taken care of, now what? Now come up with other financial goals, whether it to be faithfully tithe, pay off debt, buy a new vehicle, save up for a house, and the like. You and your fiancé will have to discuss what your goals should be as a couple.

If you know where each other are at and have goals as a couple for money, you’re doing great! There’s a bit of hardship though, you have to evaluate each other and see if there are any financial skeletons that you might need to worry about. Has the other person filed bankruptcy? Do they have excessive amounts of debt? Do they make $6.00 an hour? These are all problems which need to be addressed over the long term, you don’t want to go into marriage with major unanswered questions about money, such as one partner living far above their means. Fortunately Raelene and I were free of any major issues with money and will be able to combine ours pretty easily.

It takes a few months to work out a monthly budget so you and your future spouse should write a few “practice budgets” before you get married, they will help you see what living together will be like. Just do a budget as if you were married. This will get you in the practice of doing this very good habbit.

There’s one major thing that you should not do before getting married, and that is combining money before the marriage. If you have money and your fiancé has debt, wait until the marriage license happens before paying it off, regardless if it’s mathematically incorrect. All sorts of problems come up when you mix money before you are married and it should just be avoided at all cost. The preacher has not announced you one yet, so your money shouldn’t be together easy. This doesn’t mean you can’t buy your fiancé a gift or dinner, before the marriage, but it does mean you shouldn’t mix bank accounts, debts, insurances, and the like.

Hopefully what Raelene and I have learned throughout our planning for the marriage will help you and your future spouse prepare to have a very healthy and open communication line about money and marriage.